Thinking about

 

I am going to complain,

Well it’s my blog so I’m allowed to complain a little when I want to w.

I think I’m such a pack animal.

Since the beginning in gal, I always have to be in a circle.

I really want to talk to others and be excited together and chat about style and enthuse each other.

Now I have no circle for the first time.

I regret a lot that I faded away and I let my previous circle die, I really feel that I took it for granted. We were such a great group.

In fairness, about one half of the members retired from gal (and I did at the time too), so it wasn’t my fault so much.

But I definitely abandoned it.

I also really regret letting my pre-previous circle down. I have so many regrets about that.

Now I have no circle, and I feel so lonely I could explode.

But at the same time I wonder, can I even join another circle if the opportunity comes my way?

I have a terrible track record of 3 dead circles now…

Also, I’m so old. Is 23 too old to participate in circle activities? 

That is a strange difference between Western gals and Japanese gals.

I feel like western society doesn’t expect someone to abandon their hobbies and fashions for marriage or a career in the same way it’s expected in japan, so I find myself now on the elderly end of gyaru before I even know it, and I feel very awkward in a room full of young people. Very out of place and silly looking.

I know it doesn’t matter, and I can do what I want, but…

I still feel old now w.

Now there are a couple friends of mine who are interested in gyaru locally, I will also meetup with them next month. ~

But they are only inspired by gyaru and not strictly gyaru, so I don’t think there is a circle to be made.

I guess if I interact with the community for 2 seconds again (along with getting bullied some more) I’d probably find myself falling into a new circle.

But I want to hide from modern SNS as much as possible…

So I won’t do that.

Basically, I always find myself wishing I can time travel back into the past a few years,

So I can have the relationships back that I miss…

I guess that’s life though…